They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
