I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
