Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.

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(912): View more from Georgia

He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(505): View more from New Mexico

Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter

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(801): View more from Utah

At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.

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(718): View more from New York

I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"

(917): View more from New York City

Rigtt?!

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(817): View more from Texas

He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.

(972): View more from Texas

At least he's honest about how long he'll last.

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