Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.

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  (732): I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one. http://tfl.nu/pu4o
  Replies (12) Good night (667) Bad night (2964)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay

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  (937): I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay http://tfl.nu/llvu
  Replies (14) Good night (970) Bad night (5324)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.

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  (978): The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room. http://tfl.nu/rw2d
  Replies (58) Good night (2051) Bad night (5702)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's

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  (443): i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's http://tfl.nu/fnpd
  Replies (38) Good night (3452) Bad night (730)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.

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  (757): I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it. http://tfl.nu/1fpc
  Replies (23) Good night (3603) Bad night (962)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Apparently senior citizens don't like that position

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  (505): Apparently senior citizens don't like that position http://tfl.nu/ttsr
  Replies (34) Good night (1215) Bad night (5583)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Totally get that.

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  (248): I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend. (1-248): Totally get that. http://tfl.nu/ho2w
  Replies (13) Good night (6337) Bad night (1381)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.

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  (720): We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins. http://tfl.nu/ctwf
  Replies (6) Good night (1839) Bad night (587)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.

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  (715): The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots. http://tfl.nu/aoap
  Replies (6) Good night (1042) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going

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  (703): I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going http://tfl.nu/4frq
  Replies (5) Good night (968) Bad night (696)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.

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  (403): Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull. http://tfl.nu/z0zm
  Replies (1) Good night (428) Bad night (465)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.

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  (914): Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On. http://tfl.nu/gi02
  Replies (0) Good night (607) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.

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  (609): I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me. http://tfl.nu/juje
  Replies (3) Good night (585) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.

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  (618): I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious. http://tfl.nu/09v5
  Replies (0) Good night (661) Bad night (298)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.

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  (707): I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed. http://tfl.nu/sn1z
  Replies (1) Good night (601) Bad night (247)

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