I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit