So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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