He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
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Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
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Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.