She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night