Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(424): View more from California

I'd wear matching sweaters with you

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(424): I'd wear matching sweaters with you http://tfl.nu/xbhf

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.

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(732): I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning. http://tfl.nu/m9jy

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(304): View more from West Virginia

just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.

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(304): just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter. http://tfl.nu/doob

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(734): View more from Michigan

So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.

(810): View more from Michigan

You're 20.

(734): View more from Michigan

IT'S BUILD A BEAR!

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(734): So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear. (810): You're 20. (734): IT'S BUILD A BEAR! http://tfl.nu/k2jt

Replies (148) Good night (11272) Bad night (2030)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.

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(303): I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs. http://tfl.nu/2lff

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(856): View more from New Jersey

He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.

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(856): He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college. http://tfl.nu/khqs

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(250): View more from British Columbia

My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances

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(250): My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances http://tfl.nu/ihp8

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(907): View more from Alaska

He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.

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(907): He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron. http://tfl.nu/g77l

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(541): View more from Oregon

Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding

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(541): Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding http://tfl.nu/9api

Replies (3) Good night (530) Bad night (1321)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.

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(715): Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out. http://tfl.nu/yvz7

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(928): View more from Arizona

My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.

(308): View more from Nebraska

Pass the awkward sauce please.

(928): View more from Arizona

I'm drowning in it here

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(928): My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking. (308): Pass the awkward sauce please. (928): I'm drowning in it here http://tfl.nu/qbnt

Replies (4) Good night (1414) Bad night (821)
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(231): View more from Michigan

Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.

(703): View more from Virginia

So how was your night?

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(231): Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob. (703): So how was your night? http://tfl.nu/0nrk

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(416): View more from Toronto

Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?

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(416): Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground? http://tfl.nu/za9i

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(530): View more from California

It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.

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(530): It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party. http://tfl.nu/8gbx

Replies (0) Good night (711) Bad night (216) Order T-Shirt
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?

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(860): Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting? http://tfl.nu/r5ub

Replies (3) Good night (617) Bad night (138) Order T-Shirt

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