Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
