he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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