she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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