woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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