I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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