i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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