I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
