So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's never too late to be topless.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
