my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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