booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
