We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
