We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
