I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
