I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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