i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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