Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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