im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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