matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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