I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
