Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
