I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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