I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
