dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
