im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
