while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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