My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
And then he peed in my hair
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