also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
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We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
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Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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