this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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