If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
