But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
