my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
