bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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