i jhust puked up my retainher.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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