I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
