i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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