is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
