so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
