the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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