Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize