you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
