I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
