i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
