And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
