If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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