i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
