I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize