Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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