Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
