I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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