I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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