So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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