Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I fill condoms, not promises.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
