i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
