remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
