I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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