i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
