Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
