1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
