k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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