They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
