my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
