how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
50% drunk capacity currently
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
