Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
