That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
