you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
