Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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