$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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