Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
