One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
