You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
