So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
