just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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