I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
