I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
