I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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