I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize