She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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