11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
